“Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.”
*Anonymous*

“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.”
*Kahlil Gibran*

Beauty is an inside job. Believe it or not, we get to choose whether we are beautiful by the energy that emanates from within us and showers out onto others. When we fully grasp the bounty of splendor that lives within our core, then our true beauty shines through. Nothing, not huge amounts of makeup, hairspray, or even fabulous clothes, can compare to the glow of inner beauty. Unfortunately, as we all know, eventually our outer beauty fades, but with proper cultivation, we can enhance our inner beauty. The good news is that it’s never too late. I have met many who are the epitome of beauty on the outside, but after realizing that there is nothing behind that physical beauty, have actually begun to see them as ugly. The same holds true in the opposite way. There are those who are not particularly beautiful on the outside, but their personality is such that one sees them as truly beautiful.

Our magazines and media place so much importance on outer beauty, but very little is said about the importance of inner beauty. We all get influenced by what we see and read, and it is sad that many feel ugly and overweight in comparison to those images. If we stop to focus on our strengths from within, and make goodness and enthusiasm our “trademarks’, maybe that inner confidence will shine through as the real beauty! It is the purity within that outshines the face. Real beauty is not what we see, it is who we are.

Here are a few tips on being beautiful from within:

Always speak positively to yourself. Self-confidence is truly one of the keys to being beautiful. You are valuable and lovable. Believe it. Repeat it to yourself daily.

Be charitable with your time or money by helping others. Aiding those in need allows your light from within to shine!

Smile, smile, smile! A smile is your greatest beauty accessory.

Begin each day with gratitude for what you have.

Have you ever stopped to think about the power of your thoughts? If you are constantly putting yourself down by thinking you are not good looking enough, this shows on the outside, no matter how beautiful you are. Present a positive self image by appreciating your good points. Learn to admire your good traits with the same energy you use to hate your faults.

Develop interests in people, music, literature, art..The world is truly a rich place filled with rich treasures and interesting people. Be willing to let yourself develop your innate talents and gifts. I have to cite my friend Arthur Eisenberg as an example. Arthur is an extremely intelligent man, with a degree in microbiology. He also does freelance photography. Arthur is truly a man about town, photographing events as diverse as the Coney Island Mermaid Parade to art gallery openings, charity events, and so on. There has never been a time when I have been with Arthur that he is not grinning from ear to ear. This is a man who truly loves life and loves people. His “beauty” shines through to everyone, and I always feel a little happier in his presence.
This is an example of what I mean by inner beauty.

Remember, we all have it inside us. Learn to cultivate it, nourish it, and it will grow in abundance. Enjoy your life. Be kind to others. You ARE beautiful. Enough said!

For more, go to: SusanKorwin.com

Well Happy Tuesday Ladies!

Ok, time for another question of the week. Just a fun thing to keep us thinking every once in awhile.

QUESTION.....What is your biggest fear???  Has it held you back ? Or have you moved past it? 

Channel Your Inner Samantha...

Since it's the week of the release of Sex and the City 2, I thought I might post something that was related, and that most Over 40 Females are too shy to talk about...most of the ones I know, anyway!  This was sent to me and I thought I would share it, besides the fact that it also has our dating expert Matt Titus and his wife (also a relationship expert) talking about it in a big way:

Samantha Jones has long represented a woman who is unabashedly in touch
with her sexuality.  While some conservative thinkers may see her
character as too sexual, others, including sexual health and
relationship experts, say more women should channel their inner vixen.
Learning how to feel sexier is not always easy, but doing so can lead to
not only a more fun and exciting sexual life but also a better sense of
well being.

Husband and wife relationship coaches and authors, Matt Titus (an expert
of Over 40 Females) and Tamsen Fadal say that Samantha's character is
the epitome of a confident, independent, sexy woman.  "Take a few cues
from her to amp up your sexiness and unleash your sexual desires,
whether you're in a relationship or single," they say. 

"Too often I think women are too self-conscious when it comes to feeling
sexually uninhibited," says Fadal.  "Wear sexy lingerie, experiment in
the bedroom, allow yourself to be in touch with your sexuality without
worrying about whether it's wrong or right."

Dr. Susan Kellogg, PhD, CRNPC, says small changes from turning up your
sultry thoughts to adding a little something in the bedroom, can make
all the difference. Dr. Kellogg goes on to say that there are many ways
to bring out your inner Samantha, from arousal oils such as Zestra to
simply letting go of your inhibitions and owning your sexuality.

I'm not going to make or ask you comment on this, but do read about it, since there has been precious little information about how to make WOMEN more satisfied sexually:

http://www.zestra.com/changing-lives

 

Ok ladies,

Your week is up! Time to discuss our answers. I will start. I answered no to the question "If you were given the chance to change the life you have lived already...would you?"

My thinking  was that if you were given the chance to live your life over again...BUT you could only answer with a yes or no , then for sure my answer would be no. Oh, of course if I had the chance to do some of it over .... change the things I may regret. I would. But if you only were given the chance by your answer , then NO it would be.

I would love to have changed some of it. The first marriage, the death of my father, the wrong decisions I may have made along the way in raising my sons. I suppose there are a lot of things out of our control, and some that we are in control of that with the swish of a magic wand we would change if we could. But that is the meaning of it all...isn't it?  To grow and learn from our mistakes. I  think if we were able to change and make it all right every time it went wrong, we would have learned nothing about how to grow in life. I appreciate the things I do have. I hope to learn every time that a bump in the road comes my way. Some bumps are tough to get over. But with time they all do somehow help us to become who we are as people. They shape our thoughts and  help us to better understand ourselves and those around us.

I try to remember in my words and my actions, that we CAN"T change life, We can't go back and do it over. I try to keep that thought it my head so that my words and actions will be something I hopefully won't  regret. Life is sometimes so tough, and at the same time so GREAT!!

I am trying everyday to concentrate on the great parts!  The older I become, the easier that gets...

Ok ladies, lets hear your reasons!

Thanks for sharing,
Mary

Hello there Ladies!!

Just posting a weekly question here. Would love to have you all give some feedback to the question. It is a simple yes or no answer. All you have to do is to type in your name and email. comment yes or no. THAT"S IT!  Easy   Thanks everyone in advance.

Question:  If you were given the chance to change the life you have lived already...would you?

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I always thought of myself as utterly weak: weak spirited, weak attitude, weak in will. Scared of what people thought of me; terrified if they were right. My confidence was non-existent, my fears overwhelming, my attitude always dipped to the negative side.

I now beg to differ with those old thoughts.

Difficult times made me want to crumble. Nasty people made me cry and question myself. I swam in an ocean of self-pity, always looking for someone to throw me a rope to drag me to safety before I drowned. Come to think of it, it's possible that that dependence on others was my biggest weakness, my hugest downfall. It's also possible that it also set the tone for how I felt about myself.

It never occurred to me that there was one person that I should have looked to for saving me: yeah, that's right - the one, the only....me.

There had to come a point in my life that I realized, hey, this is my life, not any of the  assholes who came and went, who belittled me or betrayed me; not those who took advantage of my kindness or caring; not my family's; not anyone's: it's mine.

And that point has come now, even if midway through.

I'm a terrific thinker, even if I do over-think at times. But I toss everything around in my head until I either a) find an answer, b) get tired of hearing my own voice in my head (which is usually what happens), or c) until I make a discovery. I'm going with "b" and "c" and I'm good with that.

I've discovered through all my thinking that throughout my life, I never acted or reacted to things in a healthy way; a mentally healthy way. What, really, was or is  the point of self-pity? It  does  weaken you and it holds you back. I'm sure the lack of self-understanding as a kid and immaturity as a young adult lent a hand in that, but there's only so long a person can use that as an excuse, say into your early twenties. As I started experiencing more and more painful things, as life got a little tougher, I still threw out that stupid fucking water-logged rope, wanting to be pulled into safer territory; a place where someone was waiting with potential answers to my life's questions and problems. I always wanted to put my life into someone else's hands. Shit, I allowed other people's opinions of me to shape who I thought I was, so... why not let them save me and be mental muscle, too?

Still though, when I think into the past, no matter how much I listened, how hard I tried, how much I wanted resolutions, nothing stuck. And I never understood why - until now. When it comes down to it, nobody but me can fix anything that's meant for me to fix. If a person can't fit into my size eights, how can I expect them to walk for me? No matter how many times my friends or family have tried to pick me up when I started to fall down, when they had to let go and back away, the only way I could stand on my own was by tying my laces tightly and finding my own strength. Nobody can hold me up, throw me a rope, or convince me of anything unless I'm willing to believe in myself and believe I can do it. Even if I wobble around, if I remain upright on my own two feet, hey, that's better than falling into a heap any day. The point is, it's ultimately my decision to stand or fall, laugh or cry, to try hard or wave the white flag, to sink or swim. And come to think of it, I don't think I ever really did crumble or drown. Obviously, I'm still here. So, it's possible that I always had the fins but was too afraid I wasn't a strong enough swimmer. Kind of like Nemo.

I've somehow made it this far in my not-by-any-means-horrible-life but through a life of self-doubt and uncertainty. I don't think I could have if I didn't have strength of some sort. And I sit and think about this all the time: where did it come from? Was it always there? If so, why didn't I use it? And then I think, well... maybe it had to be built up and stored for a time when it was needed the most. Maybe I needed to be weak in order to gain strength. Maybe I had to hop over piles of dog shit in order to find that clean spot of grass. Maybe the first part of my life was a pop quiz where I had to get half (or all) the answers wrong so that during the second part of my life when I have to take the real test, I'll be better prepared with better answers. Maybe I needed to walk a certain path in order to find the me that I'm meant to be. Maybe, just maybe, finding and embracing who I am is truly the key to strength - period.


And I think I've found her. Shit, I think I'm embracing the hell out of her, too. She's not half bad.

For all my mistakes, past and present, I'm becoming more and more okay with them as time goes on. I realize that I have to be. I know all my experiences made me who I am and because of that, I finally know what makes me tick, what makes me laugh, what's worth crying over. I know what my capabilities are, what's important, and the kind of people I want and need in my life and the kind of people I don't. I know when to care, when to not care, and when to be indifferent. I know that I still err in judgment at times, but I understand that it's okay because I'm human. And I know that sometimes you can control things and other times you can't and when you can't, then the only thing you can do is cross your fingers and hope for the best or hope that things will be what they're supposed to be. I realize life is difficult but it's up to me to make the best of it and to live it. And sometimes, you just gotta fucking roll with it and right now, I'm rollin'.

Finally, I can listen to other people's opinions, take them in, and decide whether I agree or not. It's no longer crucial for me to have everyone's approval. I no longer feel completely dependent on other people to make my choices for me. I finally feel like I can jump in an ocean and swim, even if sometimes it's just doing the doggie-paddle. I've put my weathered rope away because I want to swim as far as I can across the ocean on my own, riding the waves and drifting when it's calm.

I guess I can thank God that I've known weakness, otherwise I'd have never recognized my strengths.

There are so many times in life we utter the words, "I'm sorry." We bump into someone as we're rushing out of the grocery store and say sorry  as we hurry on our way, barely looking back; we forget to send in our kids' permission slips/snack-drink money/party treat for school and offer our apologies; we step on the dog's 6 months-post-surgery leg and even apologize to her. (Poor puppy. Baaaad Forty.)But you get the gist. We toss out those words probably on a daily basis and most likely we genuinely do mean them, but we often say them because it's just what you do; it's good social etiquette. When you say "I'm sorry" though, especially for larger, more significant wrong-doings, meaning those words is equally as important as uttering them.

I remember being a little kid and for whatever stupid, stupid reason, I made fun of one of my friends. Maybe I was trying to be funny, maybe I thought it was cool - I don't know. I just specifically remember feeling like a horrible person for being so mean to someone who didn't even deserve it. My little eight or nine year old self knew how wrong I was because I felt so damn awful. So I marched up to her, a little nervous to admit what a jerk I had been, and told her I was sorry. Thankfully, she accepted it. I learned that when you do something wrong, (and recognize it), you can be forgiven and given another chance. I'm going to guess and say that it was probably from then on that I never feared apologizing to anyone again whenever I was wrong. To this day, I still don't. And why should anyone, really? Smaller sorries, larger sorries - meaning them is what really matters. Meaning them and learning never to make the same mistake again that caused the need for apology in the first place. While I think small accidents or wrong-doings deserve an apology suited for the "crime,' I also believe it's the larger, more significant things where the sincerity behind the words "I'm sorry" need to carry more weight.

It's always been my belief that when you hurt or offend someone and you are aware of it, apologize. It doesn't make you weak or look foolish; it does just the opposite: it makes you stronger for recognizing that you're fallible and for letting others know that you are, too. Being wrong sometimes, (or even a lot of times), is part of being human. We'd have nothing to learn from if we never made mistakes, and quite frankly, if we were always right and perfect and smiling and happy, I think we'd be boring, too.

There's probably not a day that passes that I don't utter one of the smaller, "I'm sorries" to someone at work or one of my kiddies. Those are just part of daily living and part of respecting other people. But recently, I made an error in judgment that, at the time, I didn't think was wrong at all. But because of the other (offended) person's response (or lack thereof) to what I had said, it made me step back and think, What did I say that was so bad? Why would she be so upset? Or maybe it was the idea behind my words. I went over what was said  - at least 15 times - in my head. I knew the original point I'd been trying to make to her, but I decided from her reaction that maybe I went about it wrong. Or maybe it was just one of those things that should have never been mentioned to her at all as it wasn't even a big deal (in hindsight, anyway). I asked my friend to please tell me why and how I'd upset her, what was my mistake. I wanted to know her side so I could understand where I went wrong. But she didn't want to talk to me except for a few pointed words. I apologized anyway but still no response.

This wasn't an "I'm sorry" tossed-over-your-shoulder-in-the-supermarket type thing. I offended/irritated/hurt someone with my words which I never, ever meant to be hurtful. I was upset and hurt about something and voiced it but after all was said and done, I realized that maybe not every little thing has to be brought up front and center for discussion or analyzing. Maybe I read into something and made more of it than it was. Maybe I need to learn to censor my thoughts and feelings sometimes because everyone doesn't have to know them at all times. Maybe I was just...stupid. I made a mistake and judging by the deafening silence that followed, an even bigger one than I realized. But I am still sorry even if I wasn't forgiven.

But I guess sometimes maybe being unforgiven has to teach us a lesson, too. Ouch.

(n.b. - all people are mentioned by their ages... not their names

What's it all for? is a question my sister, Forty-Two, and I always ask each other when we're sitting in her kitchen, doodling on newspapers, snacking on leftovers, and bitching about life.

I sit and wonder this while I'm by myself, as well. I wade through all the memories in the depths of my mind, picking out the ones that make me question who I am and the choices I've made and I agonize over the answers I come up with. I should have been stronger/tougher/bitchier/selfish are usually some of the things I realize in hindsight, but alas, there are no do-overs.

The pains I experienced in my past were severe and emotionally paralyzing but they certainly have dissipated over time. Back when these experiences were happening, I never did think I would get through in one piece, but somehow I did. Somehow, I pulled through, even if weakened and in disrepair. And the more hurt I endured, the lower my self esteem dipped. And the lower that dipped, my vulnerability soared.

It's tough, too, because for as long as I can remember, I've always worn my emotions plainly on my face and in my stance. Unfortunately, others mark you as overly-sensitive when they see that, (which, to a degree, I've always been) and also view this unfavorably. Apparently, when you are sensitive, you're also open to hurt because of the vulnerability that comes with it. Oddly enough, I always thought being sensitive was one of my better qualities, but growing older and surviving the deaths of friendships has taught me differently.

Any time I ran into a problem, whether it was with people or situations, I always thought I had what it took to get through: reason, understanding, sensitivity, the ability to listen, the gift of being verbally articulate , the desire to learn how to be better and the desire to make others happy. And damned if I know why, those qualities never served me the way I needed and hoped that they would. In the aftermath of any situation, I always found myself wobbling and unable to steady myself. How did all of those things I prided myself on being backfire? I always replayed these things over and over in my head ad nauseum until I couldn't even stand to hear myself think anymore. All the whys and how could I have done things better or different swirling around my over-worked noggin. And no matter what, I always winded up feeling disgusted with myself and blaming myself for things I knew weren't even my fault or in my power. All these qualities in myself that I thought were so integral to being decent and caring were always spit back in my face. If those things in me weren't good enough, then what the hell else was there?

Well when Cynicism crept up on me, tapped me on the shoulder and baited me to come play, I had my answer. I didn't really like it, especially when Distrust, Skepticism, and Caution followed. When my Inner Bitch boiled up, I found it too difficult to really unleash her. I still wanted to be good and do good by all. Now, don't misunderstand; I'm not saying I always handled everything perfectly - I am human and faulted - but I'll be damned if anyone can ever accuse me of not trying my hardest. But all these newer things were hanging around me so much and I wasn't sure if I liked them. It wasn't who I was or who I wanted to be. But it seemed that everyone else befriended their inner bitches and their inner-cynics so I wondered if that was the way to go?

I've found that for me, it wasn't, but I tried to find a happy medium. Through the years, I've tried to incorporate these unfamiliar things into how I handled myself  in sticky situations. Mostly, I have been able to balance these things out: I am still sensitive and wear my happiness/anger/disappointment/name-an-emotion-any-emotion on my face, but I am able to hold back the tears and really think things through using my newer, more cautious, cynical self to  complement my older self. Things that formerly caused insomnia for months now only have the power to irritate me for a day. Or two. Okay, who am I kidding? A week at least.

And now that I'm that wonderful, hopefully magical age of Forty, I realize that all of those past bad experiences have just been par for the course that is life. My life now is not quite a smooth ride by any means, but somehow I'm finding I'm able to use the past experiences of pain to my advantage. There's something to be said for going through many damaging storms - if you're smart, you don't toss aside  the damaged parts: collect them and prepare to use them to build something (someone) stronger and better prepared for the next one that comes blowing in.

That's what it's all for....