Thought-provoking words by Over 40 Female Ginny Jordan:

                                    Dior and Sneakers

In less than 2 months I will turn 55.  Fifty-five years old.  It is not the 55 I anticipated, imagined or prepared for.  It does not loom with fear of the number.  It beckons with the comfort of questions answered.  It tempts with the joy of a lifetime of discovery, self-discovery and discovery about my world.  My world is both as small and cozy as my apartment and as big and glorious as my mind and body can experience.  It is arriving with trumpets announcing who I am.

 When we are young we are asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up ?” We answer, “A baseball player, a dancer, a veterinarian”  As we approach college we are asked, “What do you want to do with your life?”  We answer, “I want to work in IT, I want to be an environmental lawyer or I want to be a plastic surgeon.”  Some answer with, “I want to run a hydroponic farm, or I want to save the Willow trees”.  Then others answer with, “I want to be in the cast of Saturday Night Live.” Finally there are those who answer, “I don’t know.” With the task of blowing out all those candles ahead of me, I now know the question is not what do you want to be, but who do you want to be.

My answer from age 9 stayed consistent, “I want to be a teacher.”  My friends and I often played “school”.  I was always the teacher while my friends sat at make-believe desks.  I used colored chalk on the carefully erased chalkboard easel. Years later, I had my own classroom, with students at real desks.  I achieved my dream of teaching, feeling lucky, fulfilled and rewarded. To be honest, I spent summer vacations feeling lucky, tanned and relaxed.

My mother was all about pearls, aprons, etiquette and keeping me a virgin.  My father was all about free-thinking and walking bare foot. He designed computer systems back in the day when computers were bigger than my bedroom.  He was the only parent on the block opposed to the Vietnam War and dating curfews.  My internal compass, simply put, was confused. Childhood collided with adolescence, which merged into college years. 

As time went on, my compass moved everywhere and yet pointed nowhere.

It reflected the road my life had taken.  My mother died of breast cancer, while both she and I were far too young to be without each other.  My marriage started out with the promise of “Endless Love”, which  also happened to be the Whitney Houston song he and I first danced to. I was blessed to have a son who was the light of my life, a precious gift.  Tragically, he was killed in a car accident at the age of 17, while both he and I were far too young to be without each other.  My road also included a stop sign with divorce, bumps with dating, and forks in the path as I learned to navigate by myself. It became just me, for the first time.  Just me.  

No party for me when I turned 50.  No cake and no butter cream frosting.  Especially no frosting. Frosting at 50 to me meant 50 sit-ups and still flabby not flat abs. This was one mood that didn’t swing.  I felt like a kid standing outside the candy store window looking in at all the goodies I didn’t have.  All the candy everyone else had.  All the candy I wanted.  No career to pursue, no husband to celebrate anniversaries with, and no child to cherish and watch grow.  I had taken a crash course in life, feeling crushed by it. I wanted to scream, but felt no voice.  I wanted a fairy godmother or at the very least, a magic wand. 

I began a journey far and wide, without ever using a passport. I   travelled carrying a Dior handbag and wearing sneakers.  Searching and seeking to know myself.  A worthy destination I thought . Then, to like myself. A lofty destination I thought. It never occurred to me I could love myself. I read books by renowned experts in self-help, practiced yoga, sat on therapists’ couches – 4 different couches to be exact, attempted tai chai, took 6 racquetball lessons and ate chocolate. Lots of chocolate.  All of this, while experiencing the menaces of menopause. Sorry ladies, I have yet to embrace this phase of life. Hot flashes are getting in the way of my aging gracefully.  Actually, at this very moment I am experiencing another frustrating symptom – lack of focus and attention. But I digress. Back to the journey. The harder I tried, the further I felt from where I wanted to be. The more time and energy I put into my search, the more lost I felt.

Eventually, basic exhaustion and frustration forced me to lie back on the couch and put my feet up. I looked at my pedicured toes pondering do I prefer the classic “Waltz” or the fun  “Watermelon” polish for this time of year. Oops, another menacing symptom of menopause, the inability to make the simplest decision.  Then it happened. The famed light bulb went on.  That’s the answer.  Just sit back and put my feet up.  Once I stopped worrying about who I was, I emerged in perfect view for me to see, like and love.

The beauty of it all lies in its simplicity.  Simply sit back and accept.  I had been worrying about who I am.  The worrying was in the way.  Wonderful surprises were right there for me to see.  Yes, I am complex. I accept that my history has impacted me but does not define me. The present is evolving and my future is yet to be, unknown but full of beautiful possibilities much like a kaleidoscope. 

So, yes, now I know who I am.  I am someone who would go to the end of the earth for someone who is important to me. I make charitable contributions anonymously.  I can keep something told in confidence, confidential. I was doing random acts of kindness before it became something to do. This is how I answer who I am. This feels good.  This feels right.  So, when I take a deep breath to blow out my birthday candles this year, my wish is for every girl and every woman whose inner compass is confused.  I wish you faith to trust that your self will shine through.  I wish you strength to not give up on yourself and patience to wait, to fall in love, with your self.

I never, ever stop analyzing - my mind turns everything over and examines things from every possible angle in order to find the meanings, reasons and purposes of everything I've experienced in my life. One of those things that I've been thinking deeply about has been the true definition of love.

It's probably safe to say that most of us are well-versed in the Corinthians passage, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy..." Ok, so...yeah, it's all that. But oh, there's so much more.

It was as I was contemplating where I am in my life and what it is that I want that I realized how much more there is to it. Everyone probably has their own definition of what love is and it's something we all want, we all need but do we all have that kind of love as we each define it for ourselves? I recognized in that moment of thought that it's been through every experience and through every person I've met, whether they had a positive or a negative affect on me, that has helped me to understand what love is - and is most certainly not -to me. I suppose I've taken little pieces of each moment or experience with the people who've come into and gone out of my life and put them together to make sense of something so powerful and significant. While it can be difficult to define with words, I think I've finally come to what I believe is an accurate definition - again, to me. With all my thinking (and listening to a lot of Adele lately)  this is what I feel:

Real love awakens the five senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound. It intensifies your sense of humor, your sense of self, your sense of all that surrounds you. It moves you in all ways -to tears, to laughter - it, encourages you, and it turns darkness into light. When you feel that love, it captivates you and nothing can change it, repress it or offend it. No argument can shrink or weaken it because with pure love, your heart is bigger and stronger than your pride.

You know it's always there. It awakens in the morning with you and sleeps with you at night. It runs through your veins no matter where you go and you feel its presence no matter what you're doing or who you're with. Physical distance doesn't dim it, illness doesn't deter it, and mistakes don't make you question it. It lives and dies with you. Your heart is always content, your soul infinitely full, warm and complete.

....and that is what it's all about.

Ol' Sappy Forty.  ----> Take a listen.... Someone Like You

Over 40 Females Were Thrilled to Attend "Beauty from the Inside Out" in Milford, Connecticut This Past Week.

Celebrity Make-up Artist Jennifer Snowdon with Judy Goss

The Sphatika Experience Spa showcased their luxurious products while pampering women with their luxurious mini-facials

Women networked with each other in Johnny Ray's Lounge


The raffle table including a Brazilian Peel Kit and a 2-hour facial gift certificate from Sphatika


All the women made business deals, contacts and friends that evening




An incredible time was had by all, and our event photographer, Over 40 Females Member Kim Anderson, captured it all beautifully.

The women did not leave empty-handed! Each one left this successful evening with a gift bag filled with goodies including a
$500 gift card from Angelo David Salon!


Interested in becoming a Chapter Director for an Over 40 Females network near you?
Call us! 1-888-813-3600
Or email: judy@over40females.com

Recently, a good friend of mine who is starting a new business broke down in tears because she is overwhelmed by all the time and energy it takes to make this endeavor successful. She has three young children, parents that are in need of care, and a husband who is supportive, but still wants his wife around to share a life together. Her feelings are totally normal because in situations like this, life feels out of control and chaotic. Her needs are not being met, her family’s needs aren’t being met, and when this happens, life feels “out of balance”.

A balanced life is an essential element to living a life of success and harmony. If you overdo one part of your life (maybe business), and completely ignore the other (recreation, family, etc), it’s going to catch up with you, and, trust me, you will not be a happy camper. Life is a balancing act, and just like those who walk a tight rope in the circus, it takes a lot of skill to keep from crashing down.
Let’s be realistic. There are many pieces of the pie that make up the whole of our daily life. There is our health, our finances, our business, our family, our romance, our recreation and our spiritual life, to name a few. We don’t spend every day concentrating on every one of these aspects. But, down the road, if we neglect most and concentrate on only one or two, eventually we become off balance. For instance, if you only concentrate on finances and business and neglect your health, your family and social life suffers. If you only concentrate on having a social life, your business will suffer. Finding the balance is essential to a harmonious existence, and it is up to you to make the choice. You should take a look at your life and notice how much time you are spending on each component I listed above. If one seems to stick out among the rest, it may be time to re-prioritize. Always remember that life can be adjusted to suit any need. It just takes careful planning.
Try this:
Draw a large pizza and divide it into 8-10 slices. Name each slice with an area of your life that is important to you. (family, friends, personal growth, money, business, religion, vacation, etc.)
In each slice, make a dot to rate your satisfaction with that particular area of your life, using the outer rim of the pie as 100% satisfied. For instance, if you are just a little satisfied with your concentration on vacationing, place your dot near the bottom of the slice. Do this in every slice of the pie. When you are finished, connect the dots and see if your new “circle” is even or “out of balance”.
If you find that it is irregular, realize that there are aspects of your life that need tending.
It’s very important to focus on saying “no” to people and things that are not totally important and set limits. If you are spending 12 hours a day working, set a new limit of 8 hours a day. There are always creative ways to cut down hours yet still get the job done. Try delegating some of your tasks to others who are just as capable of getting the job done. While they do that, you can be tending to a phone call or visit to your parents. In the case of my friend, she now has asked her sister to help with some of the start up tasks of the new business while she makes specific times during the day to take breaks with her children. Make sure you take time for yourself to do what you LOVE. You deserve it, and it is an important part of a healthy, balanced life. Get up an hour earlier and do some yoga, meditate, or watch the sunrise. While you are enjoying this “alone” time, reflect on your life, your priorities and where you are going. When we are running on automatic pilot, we tend to forget exactly where we are in life and who and what matters. Take the time to really reflect on how much time you are taking away from one area of your life and missing out on another area. It’s really simple to put things back in balance by prioritizing and managing your time. Stop over-scheduling. Eliminate what is not really important to you. When your life is chaotic and over complicated, you are leaving no room for enjoyment, personal growth, good relationships, or even a good night’s sleep. Of course, things may always pop up in your day that will cause you to readjust something that was already planned. Let that other obligation go for the time being and go with the flow. Be reasonable, stop trying to be perfect, and your days will not only be balanced, but so, so rewarding!